emPower Magazine Blog

The Government Is Angry, FINALLY!

By Tyree Anderson

Finally, the government has become angry. I guess like Bruce Banner they will eventually turn into the big-mean-green superhero (Incredible Hulk) and destroy anyone who has been abusing the welfare system. Wait! Bruce Banner is a mythical character just like the mythical anger the government has about the economy. The only thing big, mean and green is the money that is being borrowed from China, printed and distributed to companies that, in all reality, should file for bankruptcy. These companies should be used as a model of what NOT to do in business. There antiquated financial management systems have always used taxpayers’ dollars to fund their racist, risky, and ridiculous money making schemes. It has been these companies, and not the individual citizens, who have been the biggest recipient of welfare money.

Many political pundits have argued that the problem in America is the welfare system. African Americans have been the face of scrutiny and attack by the ultra-conservative wing thinkers who have the gall to declare that welfare and African American go hand-in-hand. The truth of the matter is that the major corporations, through sophisticated lobbying mechanisms, are the bridge between taxpayers’ dollars and major corporations participating in the welfare system. Over the last eight years, government contracts (a.k.a., “welfare”) were used by Halliburton to rebuild Iraq. It’s interesting to see how the media and the “angry” government hide the fact that welfare and government contracts are the same. This has been going on for years! My aunt fumes about the government making bad loans using taxpayers’ hard earned money on incompetent businesses who still owe African Americans reparations. She is not the only one upset. Many of my friends can’t understand the logic in saving AIG. When did a company become too big for the government to let fail and how does one company have more worth and value that the one’s allowed to crash and burn? That’s like saying that if McDonald’s fails then the burger industry is over. All of this boils down to EGO—not AIG or GOV.

What has yet to be rediscovered during this entire process is that according to the founding documents of this nation, the people are the government and not the greedy executives on Wall Street. For far too long, the lure and love of money has corrupted this nation. We often celebrate the founders of this nation as being brilliant, civil, and godly, but the truth is that most of them were money hungry slave owning racists who used their wealth, power, and political prowess to establish what they believed would become “heaven on earth.” America has been hell on earth for people of color since the days of indigo plants and tobacco fields. The arrogance and love of money that has characterized this nation has lasted for far too long. The arrogance has now turned into ignorance; and the greed has produced a global recession. Imagine, the government is finally angry? Maybe they are angry that they system has been finally busted. Maybe they are angry because Blue Chip Stock is now penny stock? Maybe they are angry because they realize that theory will not solve the problems facing this nation? Finally, they are angry! Now what are they going to do?

Reverend Tyree A. Anderson is a native of Birmingham, AL and he is married to the former Denise Brown, PhD and they have one child, Lesley Asantewaa Anderson.  He currently serves as the Executive Pastor at the Shiloh Baptist Church in Alexandria, VA under the pastorate of Rev. Lee A Earl.

Money for Education: A Chance To Speak Out

By Crecilla Scott

Initially, I had planned to write about the vile comments that have been directed at First Lady Michelle Obama recently.  But I learned a while ago that I must pick my battles. Every battle is not worth fighting…and ignorant, evil comments directed toward the First Lady should be met with a continued commitment to excellence on our part, which will produce the NEXT Barack and Michelle Obama.

So, instead of spending my time addressing crazy and deranged journalists’ racist rants, I will devote this week’s short commentary to an information-gathering assignment. I will be writing an upcoming post on scholarships and other types of financial aid for college. This is your opportunity to share valuable information with other emPower readers. This is also your opportunity to ask questions.  Did your child earn a full scholarship to a university?  Was your child awarded multiple scholarships that will cover tuition, room, and board? Have you discovered a really helpful website that provides information on various scholarships or other financial aid? Do you administer a scholarship or grant program and want to spread the word?  If you have information that can help students finance their education, we want to hear from you.  Please be specific as possible in the subject line so that we can categorize responses quickly. Please send your comments to Crecilla@liukarama.com or leave a comment below. I look forward to hearing from emPower’s readers!

Additional Resources
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov
http://www.jackandjillpolitics.com/2009/03/dear-tammy-bruce/
http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/2009/03/columnist-refers-to-first-lady-michelle-obama-as-a-bitch-and-a-james-brown-look-a-like/

Crecilla Scott is the founder of Infinity Research, LLC, a social science research company in the Washington DC area. She is the host of a local TV show, "Conversations with Crecilla." She is also a passionate speaker, who has given professional presentations for various organizations and federal agencies. She can be reached at Crecilla@liukarama.com.

Bringing An End to Baby Mama Drama

By Eric Legette

Since 1996, when I was first introduced to the urban street term “baby mama drama,” my life has been dedicated to helping other fathers overcome this horrible social problem that has caused domestic violence, children being alienated from their fathers, loss of employment, kidnapping, lengthy court cases, murder and suicide. There are even more consequences!

When I think back to the years between 1996-2000, my life was so consumed by the drama that it resulted in my blood pressure going up and experiencing periods of depression.  If a woman dared to go out on a date with me, she would have been “entertained” by my latest drama saga. I allowed the maternal side of the family to play games with me as I watched them use my daughter as a pawn time and time again. However, when I saw that the games began to affect my daughter emotionally, I said, “Enough!”

In 2000, after successfully serving my daughter’s mother with a petition to attend court with the help of a very compassionate police officer, I represented myself in an extended visitation case. God provided me with a very sympathetic judge and brought many legal terms I learned by studying the law on my own. The result of the case was the maternal side of the family no longer controlled me, and as a matter of fact other than holidays, I no longer had to even be in their presence. The order was designed for me to pick my daughter up from school on Fridays and return her back to school on Monday mornings. That is when the process of closing the curtain on my drama (the name of my book) began.

I quickly learned that in regards to “baby mama drama,” it is not so much what is being done but the manner in which you react. I learned there are no negotiations when the drama games begin to negatively impact and affect a child emotionally. No negotiations for fathers mean: ridding himself of all feelings of guilt when he realizes he has to take the mother of his child to court. Can you imagine that men actually feel guilty when they have to take their child’s mother to court just to see his own child?  I learned that there is no way to deal with the drama on your own and there is a great need for people to pray for you. Most importantly, it is important to learn how to pray for yourself. These are the lessons that I have shared with thousands of fathers over the past decade and I am happy to state many children have been allowed to keep their fathers in their lives. But, I have to and will do more!

So, on Wednesday, March 25 at 6 pm, I will be hosting “Closing the Curtain On Our Drama” on BlogTalkRadio to continue to attack this problem and to provide a forum for men to go to deal with their daily struggles and hardships. On March 25, I will do something that main stream media has failed in doing and that is to provide a consistent platform for fathers who have the desire to be more than a monthly paycheck as their only connection to their children. On March 25, men will hear from other fathers so they will see that they are far from being alone in their struggles—a feeling many men mistakenly believe!

My parents raised me to believe that if you want something done you have to have the courage to step out and do it on your own. I am stepping out and doing a radio show on my own! With a slumping economy and the majority of people who have lost their jobs being men, I have to assume many of these men were separated/divorced fathers—men who are paying child support faithfully and fighting for their children faithfully. Many men who lose their jobs do not know the procedure in notifying child support and requesting a modification in their child support orders until they find another job. Consequently, they fall behind in their payments. I’ve had cases in the past when men told me they did notify child support of their unemployed status only to be denied their request for modification by a judge. Which means, they must find a way to pay the same amount of child support despite making less money. For those of you who have read reports of men owing thousand of dollars in child support, now you understand it may not be because he is a dead beat father.

But on March 25, we will together confront injustice in its face. Together, we will encourage each other and tell each other, “Hang on in there”. Together, we will begin the process of closing the curtain on the drama!

Eric Legette is the host of Closing the Curtain on the Drama at www.blogtalkradio.com/elegette. For more information go to www.fatherswithvoices.info.

Rihanna and Chris Part II: The Untold Story

By Crecilla Scott

This weekend, I was discussing the violent altercation between Rihanna and Chris Brown with my girlfriend.  As we spoke about the incident -- their possible motives for reuniting; individual and societal consequences of domestic violence; and the couple’s overall well-being -- I realized that there is another story to be told, and it’s not about Rihanna and Chris Brown. 

Two weeks ago, I wrote that Rihanna is in no position to be a role model.  My argument is simple – she is still very young, she has to make her own decisions and learn from her mistakes just like everyone else, and being rich and famous does not exempt a person from bad decision-making or low self-esteem.  Despite Rihanna’s age and relative inexperience with regard to dating, many people are blaming her for setting a bad example.  But the debate shouldn’t be about whether or not she is setting the right example by taking him back.  We should be asking ourselves why is the behavior of 19- and 20-year old singers the reference point for our children. Yes, I know that Chris Brown is an extraordinarily talented and popular teen heartthrob. Yes, I know that Rihanna is extremely gorgeous and very popular.  Yes, I know that they both make great music and trendy videos.  I also understand that domestic violence is very serious and that it is dangerous for others to think that violence is an acceptable part of a relationship. But the truth is that our children should be learning about healthy relationships at home. I have written about the devastating statistics regarding black families. In 2006, more than half (51 percent) of all Black children resided in single mother households and only 35 percent of black children were living with two married parents.  This hard reality means that so many of our children do not know what a healthy relationship looks like. If more daughters had loving fathers around, they would know that a man should not hit a woman. If more boys were being raised by loving dads, they would know that they should respect women and deal with their anger in a constructive manner. 

The untold story is that our culture allows pop icons to dictate our children’s attitudes and behavior. The tragedy is that many parents have failed to set the proper example.  Parents should be the first role models to positively influence their children. Our culture should support healthy relationships.  Instead of looking to a 20-year old singer for the answer to domestic violence, we should be raising our children to have enough self-esteem and respect for themselves, that they understand that Rihanna’s decision is foolish. Instead of expecting Rihanna to set the example, why don’t we set the example for our children?  Our children should know that Chris Brown’s alleged actions are unacceptable. If our children cannot intelligently articulate the flaws in Rihanna’s decision to remain with her abuser, then we need to point the finger at ourselves, not at Rihanna.

Additional Resources
http://www.dvinstitute.org/press/factsheet.html
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/WinterConcert/story?id=6863344&page=1

Crecilla Scott is the founder of Infinity Research, LLC, a social science research company in the Washington DC area. She is the host of a local TV show, "Conversations with Crecilla." She is also a passionate speaker, who has given professional presentations for various organizations and federal agencies. She can be reached at Crecilla@liukarama.com.

Education: The Fourth Rail

By Timothy Nevels

Okay, let me get this straight. We are just going to dismiss The No Child Left Behind Act—an act that actually makes it possible to get rid of bad teachers and administrators. The problem with some of the new education initiatives is not just merit pay for teachers. It is a much wider and deeper hole. There has to be a way to keep the Teachers Union in check. The last five presidents have made numerous attempts to do something about our school system. Money is always good. Don't get me wrong, especially if it brings back the arts and physical education. Fit bodies and minds help make students learn better. The Fourth Rail of Education will never be solved until the union is broken up or a changed from the top down. Many sources inside the Baltimore City school systems tell me that black and white administrators are pitted against each other. How will divisiveness help our students?  The request for school vouchers, single genders schools, separate schools for discipline-problem students, longer school days and longer school years has been fought by the Teachers Union when the Republican and Democratic parties have been in power. However, the blame for failed schools does not lie solely on educators.

Schools cannot be afraid to tell mom and dad that little Johnny is a troublemaker and he/she can't go to school there. If a child hits a teacher, remove that student and protect our teachers. Teachers and students should not be afraid to go to school. A wake up call is long overdue for parents. During the start of the year at a high school in Baltimore, our non-profit spoke to freshman parents. The group was small and we asked parents to hold their kids more accountable for their grades. We were trying to motivate parents to get more involved. The school recently asked us to come back and speak to more of the parents. So many of the kids were not ready for high school and discipline problems were at an all time high. The second meeting was overflowing with other non-profits and wide-eyed parents; some looked like it was the first time they had been in the school. They had no idea their kids were in trouble. The reality that a large percentage of students had failed most of their classes during the first semester surprised many. Why is it that those parents had to be put in that position? Why didn't they know that their child had only been to school two weeks out of the first six weeks of school?

We as a country need to listen to the politicians, administrators, teachers and our kids. It would be even better to read our history. When parents are involved in the school, not only do their children do better academically, but the school overall does better. Kids need to see parents volunteering their time or hear their parents’ voice in the hallway on an unexpected visit. Says to that student: “You never know where I am.” That's how my parents were when I was growing up, and they had even less time than many of the parents of today. I never knew when my mom or dad was going to show up at the school. Our standards have to be high. A college degree is a must for minorities—a must. A high diploma is no longer enough. The global market is too vast. President Obama has the right idea. We must get off the farmer’s calendar when it comes to education. America has to compete in the global market and we are not going to get there with high school dropout rate we currently have.

Surviving During Hard Times

By Tonia Boyd

I started my journey over one-year ago as a home-based business owner. In the beginning, business was going well and it was exciting. Then all of a sudden at the end of last year things came to a halt. I thought that maybe it was due to the holidays and that things will pick up.  Well we’re now in March and nothing has changed. Like some people, my first thought was to give up and solely work my 9-5.  However, there is this little voice inside of me telling me to keep going and that things will get better. Although business has declined, I am still moving forward. 

Here are some tips and advice to help other home-based business owners or soon to be owners with their journey.

1. Pray/Fellowship. Receiving the Word is truly encouraging especially during difficult times.
2. Be certain about the business you’re going into. Make sure it’s something you’re absolutely passionate about. The passion is what will help to keep you going even when the money isn’t coming in.
3. Do the research. Keeping up with market trends and making your business unique is good to attract a variety of customers.
4. Try to choose a business that does not require much revenue to start.
5. Market aggressively and smart.  Do most of the marketing yourself. Purchase a software program that creates marketing materials such as Microsoft Publisher. This is just temporary until business picks up.
6. Work a part-time job if possible to help with cost. This too can be a good way to attain customers.
7. Network. Join business organizations and online social groups.

Now is the time to make your business more creative. Start a blog, give discounts to loyal customers and even add a service that is of no cost to attract more business.  There are a lot of skeptics during these times that will discourage you from reaching your dreams.  If you are passionate and steadfast about your business you will come out on the winning end.  Keep in mind that some of the most successful businesses emerged during economic hard times.

Tonia Boyd is the CEO/Owner of Beauty From WithN Image Consulting. For more information log onto www.beautyfromwithn.com.

The First 50 Days

By DeShuna Spencer

 

It has only been 50 days since President Barack Obama has taken office and some people are already beginning to call him a failure.

 

On Monday’s edition of Lou Dobbs Tonight, Dobbs asserted that “the stock market has no confidence in President Obama's economic policies” because the Dow plunged to a 12-year low.

 

In a Newsweek article, Howard Fineman stated that the tide is turning in the wrong direction for Obama because his “2010 budget...tries to do far too much, with way too rosy predictions on future revenues and growth of the economy. This led those who fear we are about to go over Niagara Falls to deride Obama as a paddler who'd rather redesign the canoe.”

 

I have skimmed through the comments of many Americans who feel as if Obama’s economic recovery plan is not working because: more jobs are being lost, more people are losing their homes, and more 401Ks are shrinking. In my opinion, it would not matter if Obama, John McCain or Kermit the Frog was running the country because the economy would still be going down the drain. Let’s remember that President Obama inherited the housing, job and banking mess.

 

Let’s be honest. It has only been 50 days. Some of Obama’s cynics are probably taking a page from Rush Limbaugh’s book anyway—they want him to fail. They are looking for anything to prove that Obama is not good leader. Now, as a registered Independent, I will admit that I am concerned about the billions of dollars we are spending to fix the economy. I don’t want my children and my children’s children paying for the mistakes of this generation. But, were the Republicans and I differ is that I understand that the economy must be “stimulated” somehow. I’m not sure if letting the chips fall as they may is the correct response to this crisis. Instead of just saying that his plan wouldn’t work, it would have been nice to hear what their alternatives were as opposed to just letting businesses fall and “irresponsible” homeowners fall harder. Increasing unemployment benefits, helping hungry families receive food stamps, and pumping money into failed schools isn’t being a socialist. It’s called caring about the well-being of many Americans who are struggling like never before. In addition, it really bothers me that Republicans now want to exercise budget restraints under the new administration when in 2008 $8 billon was spent per month on the Iraq war.

 

It took eight years for America to get into the mess that we’re in; we can’t possibly expect for Obama to fix it in 50 days. This economic recession might take a year or so to turn around. So before you write President Obama off as a failure, let’s give the economic plan a chance to work. Because if he fails, so does America.

 

 

DeShuna Spencer is publisher of emPower magazine and owner of Liu Karama Productions LLC. For more information, contact editorial@emPowernewsmag.com.

Education Reform Should Be A Top Agenda

By Crecilla Scott

President Obama’s March 10, 2009 speech on education reform was an important step in addressing our educational crisis. He stressed the importance of graduating from high-school, pursuing at least one year of college or career training, parental responsibility, and school accountability.  I have written many times about the abysmal graduation rate and achievement levels of our children, so I will not rehash these figures today. Instead, I want to take page from Roland Martin’s book and ask, “Where are our priorities?”

I attended a recent town hall meeting moderated by Roland Martin and he mentioned this fact: previously, when he published newspapers that featured “education” articles as the headline – sales dropped. Now, I know what you are thinking, “education” is not as interesting as what’s going to happen to Chris and Rihanna…“education” is not as interesting as who was kicked off of Dancing with the Stars or who was booted off of American Idol. I get that. There is nothing wrong with being entertained. Between the 9 to 5 job, children’s homework, cooking dinner, housework, and errand-running, we all need an outlet.  But perhaps we need to redefine what constitutes an outlet. Let me say that, contrary to my premise, I am not a stick in the mud. I love concerts, I love plays, and I enjoy comedy.  But I can also spend hours in a bookstore, I have plenty of magazine subscriptions, and I read the newspaper like they’re going out of business. But this isn’t about me. It’s about our culture. It’s about our priorities. It’s about educating our children. 

In addition to increasing funding in economically challenged schools, we must also revise the entire model for education. Our children must be prepared for 21st century challenges. Abysmal literacy rates are unacceptable. They must be taught the skills that are necessary to become productive and successful citizens.  We must raise the expectations we have for our children and then help them achieve these goals.  Their relative academic failure is a reflection of our priorities.  The good news is that we can turn the page and reverse the direction of low-achieving students. But we have to change our priorities. If we read more, we will become better-informed citizens and parents.  If we make reading (for information, not just entertainment) a part of our everyday lives – we will begin to acquire the knowledge necessary to demand change and properly educate our youth.

Additional Resources
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/white-house-watch/?hpid=opinionsbox1
White House Photo by Pete Souza

Crecilla Scott is the founder of Infinity Research, LLC, a social science research company in the Washington DC area. She is the host of a local TV show, "Conversations with Crecilla." She is also a passionate speaker, who has given professional presentations for various organizations and federal agencies. She can be reached at Crecilla@liukarama.com.

Sophisticated Crustaceans: A New Take on What is Pulling Blacks Back into the Barrel

By Marian C. Williams

I recently had an in depth conversation with some suburban professional women. Their most serious concern in 2009 was not the economy nor was it the political administration. It was the academic stability and physical safety of their children, particularly their sons. They wondered if their sons’ educational experience are on a level playing field? Are they being given a vigorous and viable curriculum that will make them competitive in the future?  Are they being adequately challenged?  Are they being discriminated against even in a school system where they are a part of the predominant racial population?

According to a 2005 report by the National Science Foundation, there was a 40 percent increase in college graduates from 1993 to 2003 (NSF, 2005).  How is it in a time when there are more college-educated people than ever before, communities with residents bearing these credentials still suffer the same social ills of 30 years ago?  It is probably a statement of the obvious that education does not automatically equal common sense or good judgment.

I will take a moment to explain my take on this phenomenon by addressing a news story that reported a shooting outside a business owned by a professional athlete.  What is the missing link?  What types of desperate lifestyles and unhealthy problem-solving strategies do we continue to carry over into our new generations?  What happens when new businesses come to neighborhoods or undeveloped territory?  Everyone is generally pleased to have their local economy stimulated and to have additional retail offerings.  All is well for a time and then the old patterns of owner neglect and a softening of public safety vigilance creep in.  Not long afterwards, the novelty has worn off and the same old urban apathy rears its ugly head.  I have seen the pattern repeat itself many times.

Many of us have worked extremely hard to make good and decent lives for our families and ourselves.  It is such a disappointment when we find ourselves sharing our neighborhoods and communities with those who do not share a like mindset as it pertains to maintaining the integrity and peaceful enjoyment of our immediate surroundings.  We want our children to be able to play outside but they can’t if we are afraid of what the neighbor’s kids might expose them to. 

What is the answer? Do we move? We know that hasn’t worked in the past.  Ever since anthropologists have tracked population development and migratory patterns, it is apparent that there are clusters around agrarian and/or industrial hotspots and then there is an ebb and flow of fanning out and then the cycle repeats itself even further away from that original community nexus.  The “city” will follow.  Most are familiar with the concept of White flight.  I wonder if African Americans have sought this same type of “escape,” if you will, in recent decades. 

There are two proposals that I would like to put forth.  First, diversity is enriching and it is necessary.  I had an opportunity to work in two very economically and culturally different elementary schools.  Although I enjoyed the “for us by us” camaraderie of the all Black school in which I taught, I knew that something was missing. (The faculty was also approximately 98 percent Black and under 40 years.)  My previous school had teachers that ranged from 22 to 60+. There were also many races represented.  This allowed for a sharing of cultures, approaches, and ideas. The age differences also allowed everyone to partake in the best of generations. Some of the newer teachers helped with computers.  The older teachers didn’t have to rush home to children so they planted flowers in the courtyard or baked cookies just to add cheer.  It reminds me of a book by Wes Smith entitled “Hope Meadows,” (Smith, 2001).  It documented a community made up of foster grandparents, housed on an old military facility.  It highlighted the common exchange of goodness and the best of both worlds—Black-White, young-old.  This is what I think is possible if we, as a total American society, begin to change our ideas of wanting to live in a monochromatic utopia. 

Secondly, the "every man for himself" attitude has got to stop.  This is best evidenced the massive number of new small businesses that open weekly.  All I have to do is take a 5-minute drive to the supermarket and I will probably see no less than a dozen over-sized magnets or painted rear car windows advertising how I can be my own boss or earn $1,500 extra each month. No, we cannot have it all.  At least not now right now.  I often tell my students, clients, or groups to whom I speak, “You can’t chase all of your dreams at once.”  Maybe you do want to work a 90-hour work week.  That’s fine.  But is that okay if you have a spouse and children at home?  Who is minding the store?  If your children are at home, unsupervised for hours at a time in a mansion it is hardly any different than if they abide in a more humble dwelling and have no parents at all.  Whether your teenagers get high or have sex on the street or in your house, the fact remains that you were not there to oversee his/her activities.   What good is it if a child has two active parents if neither of them is ever home?  This is where we can liken our actions to the sins of commission and omission.  It’s not always what we are necessarily doing but what we are failing to do. 

I close by saying that we as African Americans have made great progress but we cannot be content to ride this continuous cycle of improvement and decline.  We must draw our lines in the sand and declare that we will take personal and present responsibility for what happens to our neighborhoods and the social systems that stem from them.  Continue to move in a forward direction; building on each success.  Don’t re-invent the wheel.  Do what works and it is okay to borrow from other cultures.  We all have permission to be participants in this global age.

References:
http://www.nsf.gov/statistics/infbrief/nsf06304/#note3
Smith, W., 2001.  Hope Meadows.  Berkley Publishing Group: New York.

Marian Williams is a native of Prince George’s County, Maryland.  She is a graduate of Hampton University and has worked for several years in the fields of Special Education and Social Work.  Ms. Williams is the author and illustrator of a children’s book: Bigdaddy:  A Granddaughter’s Love Story.  She has also been featured in Today’s Minister’s Wife Magazine.  She is married and has one daughter.

For All The World To See

By Eric Legette

Two music icons are again on the big stage. But, this time for all the wrong reasons!

The Chris Brown and Rihanna Saga has appeared on all forms of media for the past couple of weeks for all the world to see along with many twists and turns within the story.

It started with a news report flashing across the screen one Sunday night (I remember because I was at work at the time) involving Chris Brown and an unidentified woman (we all knew who it was!). Then finally, Rihanna’s name surfaced as the unidentified woman and piece by sick piece, the puzzle started all coming together. The showing of Chris Brown’s handiwork on her face became the visual evidence that matched the reports. Then there was Rihanna’s father who vocally supported his daughter and even implied that she should not take Chris back as a boyfriend. Recently though, the same father stated he supported whatever decision his daughter made in regards to her decision with continuing a relationship with Chris Brown. This statement was in response to in my mind was the unthinkable; she took him back!

Many young women men in the dating seasons of their lives are watching this ordeal play out. Rihanna’s undying love for Chris Brown and consequently taking him back sends a very dangerous and possibly trendsetting message to the millions of young eyes following them. The message is: it’s all right to take a couple of hits as long as he apologizes. It’s all right to take one for the team for the sake of love!

It was reported that Chris Brown sent lavish gifts and offered a very sincere apology on her 21st birthday. Now, I am assuming along with that apology was the “It will never happen again” promise. I am no domestic violence expert, but I’ve read this promise is a very familiar line.  Also, statistics pertaining to the actions of men who commit acts of domestic violence indicate that men will often strike again. If so, how much more damage will be done to the beautiful Rihanna?

My concern is the impact this will have on young men who are dating. From my own observations, it’s obvious that many lack respect for women in general. I am a witness to this indiscretion as a counselor at a group home. Will this give the “okay” sign to take out aggression on a woman because he knows she will take him back?

Rihanna’s father, who now supports his daughter’s decision in taking Chris Brown, sends another negative message. As a father of three girls, (14-years-old being my oldest), I was shocked, appalled and disturbed by his statement. As a father, one of my roles is to protect my children. The message her father is sending to his daughter is that it’s all right for a man to put his hands on you as long as you feel he is sincerely sorry for his actions. It’s okay to serve as a “human punching bag.” I told my daughter upon hearing the news of Rihanna taking Chris back: “The first time is the last time.” There are no negotiations! If you choose to accept his apology, do so and move on! If he chooses to lavish you with gifts, take them and move on! As a father, all young men who come to my doorstep will be informed: “Please, do not hit my daughters!” Do you think Chris Brown is ever going to respect Rihanna’s father?  I will answer that question, NO!  Part of the make-up of men who commit acts of domestic violence is their arrogance.

Our young people are watching and are being let down by the very people they listen and dance to.